Sure It's A Hit. But Is It Star Trek?

Anyone who's known me for more than five minutes knows that I'm a big Star Trek fan. Truth be told, my devotion to the sci-fi classic isn't just overblown, it's downright Shatneresque. 

So when my friends heard that there was a new Star Trek movie coming out they asked, was I excited to see it? Did I think it was going to be good? Was I going to be first in line? I didn't know how to answer any of these questions because frankly, I was scared. And I had plenty of reasons.

I had heard rumors that director J.J. Abrams was not a Star Trek fan, was not following established canon and was intending to update the movie for a wider audience (meaning 13 year old boys). Great. So he was planning to "fix" my all-time favorite show the same way like-minded directors fixed other cult classics like Lost In Space, Wild Wild West, Bewitched, The Avengers and of course, Transformers. Now I know, the Transformers movie was a huge hit and made a ka-jillion dollars. That doesn't mean it wasn't a steaming pile of crap characters, tired plot-points and blurry computer graphics (and I'm trying to be nice here).

I stalled almost two weeks after Star Trek came out before seeing it. In that time I read every review, grilled friends and scanned the message boards (yes, I visit Star Trek message boards - I'm not proud). Finally, I was ready to see it for myself. And... hey Mikey, I liked it! But is it Star Trek? Well, maybe not exactly, but J.J. came pretty darn close.

**Spoilers follow**

The first thing they did right was to create an alternate timeline. Me (and my fellow nerds) know James T. Kirk and crew inside and out. We've devoured TV, movies, books, comics and cartoons. We know their past, their future, their favorite foods and tastes in women. Creating a new timeline allows for a Star Trek that's both familiar and new at the same time.

They also did a good job selecting and directing the actors. Most of them look enough like the original actors to satisfy true fans. But more importantly they all understood and conveyed the spirit of the characters. 

Best of all, J.J. remembered that Star Trek isn't about space. It's about the human condition (as viewed from space). The story (like all good Star Trek) uses external crises to force our characters to confront their own internal conflicts and flaws.

One thing J.J. didn't seem to understand is that Kirk and Spock aren't a duo and McCoy shouldn't be demoted to irascible sidekick. The three men are parts of a greater whole. Kirk's courage and determination need Spock's logical mind and McCoy's deep feelings to function as a commander. (J.J., you use OZ reference all the time. Courage-heart-brain, get it?). McCoy had some nice character moments in the movie, but I don't think he served his character's true purpose.

The only other negative I feel worth mentioning is the Enterprise. The exterior was okay (yes, just okay), but the bridge looked an overly-lit hair salon and the engineering deck looked like a crummy old factory (which is exactly where they filmed it). 

Okay, one other thing. J.J., can you back off on the lens flares a little? It's one thing to give a movie a distinctive look, but not every scene needs to have bands of light splitting them in two.

See? That wasn't so bad. All in all a good film adaptation of a beloved TV classic. And let's face it. Even if it had stunk I'd still buy a ticket, a DVD, a Blu-Ray copy, pick up the comics, magazine and see the sequels. After all, I'm just your average nit-picking, detail-obsessed, line-quoting lunatic... in other words, a Star Trek fan.

What did you think? Did J.J. and crew make the best Trek ever or did he miss the target? Leave a comment and let me know.

TV's Guiltiest Pleasures

There's plenty of mind-rotting, cringe-inducing trash on TV. Outwardly, we deride and scorn it. But like everything that's truly bad for us, we can't get enough of it. Sure we hate ourselves a little more after each viewing, but what's a little guilt compared to hours of diversion and escape? Since I'm too far gone to feel guilt over television, I asked a few friends what their favorite guilty pleasures were. What did I learn? That my friends are just shameless and depraved as I am.

#3 The Real Housewives of New York

What's wrong with this show? Let’s start with the title. First, the word real. These women are about as “real” as can be manufactured out of silicon, botox, hair-extensions, lip-plumper and spray-on tans. Some day, science may develop a more lifelike model, but until then, these are fairly reasonable facsimiles. Now, housewives. You know, cooking, cleaning raising the children. It’s pretty clear these “housewives” would never do any of these lowly chores for fear of chipping an acrylic nail. After all, that’s what menials are for, right? I will admit that they are wives and they do live in (very, very large) houses, but the resemblance ends there. Finally, New York. Okay, I’ll give ‘em that one.

So, what's so great about this show? I think we love it because it makes us feel equal parts envy and revulsion. The same bipolar rollercoaster we felt watching the bitchy, pretty clique from high school. Sure we detested that group of vapid, soulless, Barbies and Kens. We also desperately wanted to be in that group. Now, not only do we get to travel in their inner circle, we still get to make fun of it. 

#2 COPS

Recognize this? Bad boys, bad boys. What cha gonna do? What cha gonna do when they come for you? Of course you do. We all do. COPS has been on for an amazing 20 years and has graced us with over 750 episodes. If it's been on this long, it must be good, right? Sure, there’s action, mystery, suspense, heroic men in blue and often, very real danger. What’s not to love?

Okay, but why do we REALLY love it? I think it's because we can’t help but feel elated as we watch some drunken, shirtless hick kissing asphault and trying to explain his way out of an arrest. We all knew that jackass and take real pleasure from seeing him finally get hauled away. Knew him? Hell, some of us dated him. Is it really wrong to take so much pleasure from such blatant schadenfreude? If it is, I don't want to be right.

#1 Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew

What makes this show my top pick for Guilty Pleasure? Easy. If you feel pleasure watching this show, you SHOULD feel guilty. This show takes celebrities in the throws of drug and alcohol addition and parades their most private and painful moments for our "education." Just how educational is it? Well, considering it's broadcast on VH1 along side such thought-provoking fare as Rock of Love, Breaking Bonaduce and Hogan Knows Best, you should get college credits just for tuning in.

In season one, celebrities like Brigitte Nielsen, Daniel Baldwin and Jeff Conaway experienced stomach-churning withdrawls, battled their inner-demons and honestly struggled for sobriety. Did appearing on the show help them? Well, out of 9 celebrities, one left after four episodes, six relapsed and one (Jeff Conaway) came back even worse for season two. This has got to be television at its ugliest. So why can't we stop watching? 

We want to believe that these people are sincere in their desire to get better. And they do show the very real dangers of drug and alcohol abuse. We know there are a hundred other places that these people should go for help before a TV show. And we can't deny that most of them are not going to make it. So when one of them makes a breakthrough or even a small victory you really feel their joy - and for at least a while - some hope. And maybe that's where the pleasure of watching really comes from. Learning that as long as we're willing to keep trying, there is always hope.

But what will we learn from next season's Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew? I shudder to think.

The Emmy Awards: It's an Honor Just To Be Nominated.

I can tell you from experience, it really is an honor to be nominated for an Emmy Award (it sure beats the hell out of not being nominated), but it doesn't hold a candle to actually winning. Jones Advertising has had that honor too (and we're currently nominated for 6 more). But before you say, "well, they must just give them to anyone." I must respond, "au contraire, mon frère."

Perhaps most famously, Angela Lansbury has been nominated an amazing 18 times and has yet to bring an Emmy home (that's the same number of nominations Susan Lucci had before her famous win, so there's still hope, Angela).

As Malcolm in the Middle's harried mom, Jane Kaczmarek was nominated 7 times in a row and went home empty-handed each year. Well, they always said motherhood is a thankless job.

Sienfeld's Jason Alexander was nominated 8 times with no wins (he did win 3 Screen Actor's Guild Awards in a row, so maybe that soothed the pain).

Even Happy Day's Marion Ross was turned away from the Emmy-winner's circle 5 times. What kind of monster could say no to "Mrs. C." five times? Perhaps Chuck (Richie's seldom seen big brother) finally got his revenge for being written off the show. 

Of course, their disappointment must be small compared to the television icons who never even received a nomination. 

Creator, producer, writer and star of the longest running live action sit-com ever, Ozzie Nelson never received a single Emmy nomination in 14 years.

Desi Arnaz was the only I Love Lucy star not to get nominated for an Emmy. Lucille Ball, Vivian Vance and William Frawley each received at least 4 nominations. Somebody's got some s'plainin' to do.

Michael Landon, Heather Locklear, Barbara Eden, Buddy Ebsen and Penny Marshall are all members of the golden goose-egg club. Well, there's always the TV Land Awards. Ugh.

Now I'm not trying to say that our regional Emmy Awards hold the same cache as the "big time" Emmys. And truth be told, if they hadn't added an Advertising category we might never had gotten that golden lady to stand so regally on our shelves. But the did and we did, so there.

As for this year's awards? We won't find out until May 30th. Until then (all together now), it's an honor just to be nominated.

To check out Jones Advertising's Emmy-nominated spots, follow the links below.

Break Room: Rescue Pest Control (Single Spot)

Not A Game: DSHS (PSA Campaign)

Daily Access: MSN/Diet Coke (Nominated in 2 new media categories)

Stay Sharp on Internet Safety: Microsoft (Nominated in 2 new media categories)

Top Ten TV Tunes

Let's play a quick game of name that tune. I'll tell you a few lyrics, and you pick out the show. 1) Give us any chance we'll take it, read us any rule we'll break it, we're gonna make our dreams come true. 2) Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. 3) So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. 

I'll bet you didn't have any problem picking out the theme songs from Laverne & Shirley, Cheers and Friends. Not surprising when most people can't recite a single poem, but can sing the theme song from The Flintstones word-for-word. Why is that? That's the magical memory enhancing power of music.

It's not really magic, of course. Study after study has shown that music stimulates parts of the brain that aid in storage and recall of information. No wonder we can't seem to get those theme songs out of our heads. My top ten list contains some of the catchiest tunes and lyrics in TV history. 

• The Beverly Hillbillies: "Swimmin' pools, movie stars." Nuff said.

• Bonanza: Technically no lyrics, but we all sing, "Bum bada bum bada bum bada bum ba-dah-bum.

• The Brady Bunch: Admit it, no one can resist "the youngest one in curls."

• Cheers: We all long for that place where everybody knows your name. We finally got it.

• Gilligan's Island: All it takes is, "Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale," and we get swept away. 

The Flintsones: The best part of the song? Yelling "Wilma!" at the end of the closing credits.

Green Acres: "The chores! The stores! Fresh air! Time Square!" A darling duet of opposites attracting.

The Jeffersons: Who didn't want to go "movin' on up" with George and Weezie?

The Jetsons: A major part of this theme is actually "chopsticks." No wonder we eat it up.

Speed Racer: He's not just a demon on wheels. His theme song is also my ring tone.

Of course music plays a bigger role than introducing a TV show. Music has also been shown to reduce stress, and influence emotion and behavior. Which explains why music has been so integral to the most memorable advertising campaigns. Who'll every forget "my balogna has a first name, it's o-s-c-a-r"? Or, "I'd like to buy the world a coke..." You can probably even guess the tune to "meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow..." 

I'm always excited when the opportunity comes up to write a jingle for a client. It's a great way to provide a lot of information in a fun and entertaining way. And it's nice to create spots that people actually enjoy listening to. Some of my favorites include this jazzy number for Mattress Gallery, this folksy warning to speeding drivers and this springy little number for the Spring Fair.

So, now you've got my pics for TVs Top Ten Tunes. Click on the comments section below and let me know which ones you can't help but sing along to. 

R.I.P. TV? Not so fast!

Did video really kill the radio star? Maybe, but television still hasn't wrought the end of the film industry as it was prophesied to do (any more than the film industry ended live theater). And the Internet's reports of television's death have been greatly exaggerated.

While it's true that Internet video viewership is up, traditional TV still soundly trounces it. As reported in the magazine of Online Media and Marketing & Advertising, the average time spent watching video on the Internet is 5-minutes a day. Compare that to the average 4.75 hours a day watching traditional television. Not bad for a "dead" medium.

So while the web and web video are growing in popularity, it still hasn't come close to turning television into the dinosaur they're claiming it to be. As a matter of fact, Nielson reported just last month that American TV viewership is at an-all time high. What about those 18-24 year olds that were supposed to have abandoned television for xbox, FaceBook and online porn? Well, they're watching approximately 118 hours of television a month while those 25 and holder are watching anywhere from 147 to 207 hours watching TV. Not too shabby.

Nielsen's report confirms what I've felt for a while now; that Internet video is probably not displacing traditional television any time soon. Not only do we have room in our lives for radio, TV, live theater, movies, the Internet and mobile technology - by God, we demand them all!

Speaking of changing technology, let's take a moment to talk about digital video recorders and commercials. Do you think that DVRs improve viewer's enjoyment of the programs their watching? Well think again. The New York Times recently reported on two separate studies that show that viewers actually rate programs as more enjoyable - yes enjoyable - when viewed with commercial interruption. 

So, broadcast television is holding strong against Internet video, commercials improve the enjoyment of television, and I just happen to make commercials. I guess all I can say is, you're welcome.

The Office And Other British Invaders

The award-winning series, The Office, has become such a staple of NBC's Thursday night lineup, that it's hard to remember that it was once just another in a long line of risky American remakes of hit British TV shows. Looking back, we see that the success of this cross-pond pollination is not unique.

Like America's love of gravy and things baked in pie shells, many of our best TV ideas are borrowed from the British. Just look at three "American" classics - Sanford and Son , All In The Family and Three's Company. They were, in their original Britain, known as Steptoe and Son, Til Death Do Us Part and Man About The House. The UK's reality shows have also provided fertile ground. What Not To Wear, Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, Wife Swap, Dancing with the Stars and American Idol are all British ideas we've accepted as our own. 

Of course, there's no shortage of British shows that didn't survive the transplant. As If, Red Dwarf, Coupling, Cold Feet, Viva Laughlin, and a host of others were all canceled in short order. Somehow recent entrant Kath & Kim has been picked up for a second season despite harsh criticism and poor ratings (actually it was originally an Australian show, so maybe they're letting it slip by).

My hopes aren't exactly high for two Brit-coms currently undergoing Americanization. Jennifer Saunder's Absolutely Fabulous (Ab Fab) was not only a hit in its native England, but it also gained a large American following on Comedy Central. And this isn't the first attempt at a remake. In the late 90s, Roseanne Barr and Carrie Fisher tried to bring the series to American audiences. The story about two self-absorbed, boozy broads never got off the ground. Maybe FOX will have more luck. Stranger things have happened.

And I've learned that Kirstie Alley is attached to a remake of Dawn French's The Vicar of Dibley. This quirky 1994 Brit-com told the tale of a new lady vicar at a country parish after the Church of England started allowing women to become ordained. Originally rebuffed by the small town parishioners, her outlandish style and big heart eventually wins them over. Can Kirstie bring the same comic finesse to this rather quaint plot? I guess we'll see. 

Personally, I think most of the original British version of these shows are preferable to their American cousins. And I can't figure out why they never find a larger audience here. Is it "British humor"? Are the accents too hard to understand? Is the slang just too hard to keep up with? I've always enjoyed my British comedies going all the way back to when PBS aired Monty Python, The Good Life and Are You Being Served back in the 70s. Quirky? Sure. But I think they're just ducky. 

Gilligan's Island (and my brush with immortality)

To say I just grew up watching reruns of Gilligan's Island is a gross under- statement. I absorbed and studied every one of the 98 original episodes, the 2 animated series (Filmation's The New Adventures of Gilligan's Island and Gilligan's Planet) and even the 3 reunion movies. I wanted to live on that island. I longed to have my own grass hut, drink from coconut cups and drive that bamboo peddle car. But mostly I wanted to spend time with the funny, tight-knit family of seven stranded castaways.

So, when I had the chance to work with one of the stars of Gilligan's Island, I didn't hesitate. I had just started writing and producing commercials for Papa Gino's, a chain of pizza restaurants in and around the Boston area. I was looking for an announcer to be "the voice of Papa Gino's" and heard one man's smokey, romanticized delivery that I thought would be perfect for the new campaign. The name on the audition tape was Russell Johnson, but even then I hadn't recognized him as none other than the Professor. As soon I learned who he was (I thought the name sounded familiar!) and that he lived near Seattle, no other voice talent could possibly measure up.

About once a month for a little over two years, Mr. Johnson would show up in the recording studio to lay down a new TV voiceover for me. Naturally, I was so star struck and and dumb struck by his presence that I never had the chance to tell him what an important show Gilligan's Island was to me. Oh, I'm sure I said (very cooly), "big fan, loved the show, blah blah blah." When really what I wanted to say was, "Oh my freaking hell, you're the Professor! I love you! I love Gilligan's Island! I'm not worthy! Sign my face!" Even after many, many recording sessions I felt small and shy around the man I hired. 

Looking back, there was no reason for me to feel that way. He was always warm, friendly and extremely hard working. If anyone asked him questions about Gilligan's Island - which I was too dumb to do - he would cheerily provide us with charming anecdotes and behind-the-scenes gossip. Though I no longer work with the Professor (I mean Russell), I still have all 98 original episodes and can visit with him and the other castaways  whenever I want.

Trivia: In the series first episode, the radio announcer read all the castaway's full names (except Gilligan's). The Professor's real name was Roy Hinkley. In the unaired pilot episode, the Professor was played by John Gabriel. Also in the pilot, two secretaries (Ginger and Bunny) were recast and rewritten as a movie star and farm girl, Ginger and Mary Ann.

Exposé: Was Gilligan's island really the first salvo of liberal Hollywood's "gay agenda"? This web site offers a fascinating observation.