Pay Cable Series - For Adults Only

When I was young, we had five TV channels to choose from. There were the "big three" (ABC, NBC and CBS), PBS and "Good Lookin' 11." Didn't like what was on? Too bad. Fortunately, I was born without the ability to distinguish between good TV and bad, so I always found something worth watching.

Then one day, KCPQ's signal finally reached Seattle and I thought, "Wow! Six stations! Now this is living!" Even with 6 wondrous channels, there were still limitations. If you woke up too early, you got to choose between the farm report or the Indian Head Test Pattern. Couldn't sleep? You had until maybe 1AM before the channel concluded its broadcast day. I still remember listening to the Star Spangled Banner as a grainy image of a flag fluttered on my screen. 

Now, (mumble-mumble) years later, I have about 400 channels including high definition, commercial-free music channels, movie and specialty channels. And despite the competition, the big three networks still command the lion's share of TV viewers. They are also adapting well to Internet viewers. It's not unusual for more than half of iTune's top weekly downloaded shows to be network series.

But cable has found a niche where the big networks just can't compete. Adult entertainment. Now, I don't mean "adult (wink-wink) entertainment," though there are channels for that too. I mean shows that try to fit in with pay cable's R-rated movie fare. Like the TV ratings folks will tell you, these programs contain mature themes, language and sexual situations. 

Pay cable series like HBO's Oz, Deadwood and Rome or Showtime's Dexter and Nurse Jackie don't just push the envelope, they stretch it until its the size of a sleeping bag. These shows promise enough off-color humor, gore, nudity, sex and course language to draw at least a few people away from the more family-friendly (by FCC regulation) networks.

Luckily for cable networks, they're not bound by FCC regulations, so can show whatever they want. Case in point: Starz new series, Spartacus: Blood and Sand. It is by far the bloodiest, goriest, clothing-optional, sex-filled series I've ever seen. The show's visual style looks like any number of green-screen heavy graphic novel inspired movies like Watchmen, 300 and Sin City. The color palette is decidedly desaturated - except for the fountains of bright red blood. There's plenty of sex and nudity too. Of course, they always attempt to work it into the story. Artistic of them, don't you think? 

Spartacus premiered with 659,000 viewers on Starz and another 570,000 for the simulcast on Encore. Together the two channels got a little over 1.2 million viewers. That's about a tenth of what a network show like LOST typically gets. But considering that I didn't even know Starz was still around, Spartacus is a definite win for them. So I'm not surprised that they renewed the series for a second season before it even premiered.

The lesson seems pretty clear. If you want your cable show to get viewers, you better check your modesty at the door. After all, take away the nudity, sex, swearing and violence and what do you get? A network show. And cable still can't compete there.

TV and Other Obsessions

I can think of worse obsessions than watching too much TV. And there is no shortage of series that expose, exploit and parade these obsessions for our entertainment.

Case in point. It's easy to feel superior to those unfortunate clutter collectors on shows like Style Network's Clean House. Sweet and sassy host Niecy Nash (Reno 991) and her crew help families see how objects and clutter have taken over their lives and created not just a mess, but an unhealthy atmosphere. After some friendly pressure from the team, the families invariably agree to give up their mess in exchange for a stylish makeover. It's always amazing to see the transformation in the rooms and the attitudes of the family. And while the show sometimes focusses on real emotional moments, this series is played for laughs and the magic of the reveal.

As an amateur pack rat myself, it's a real pleasure to watch a telegenic TV team clean someone else's house while I wipe Cheetos dust onto the sofa and cackle, "my God, what a bunch of slobs!" Of course, these are nice normal folks who just went a little too far. Besides, the way my garage looks, I can't really throw stones. And like eating Cheetos, these episodes are just too delicious to watch just one. The most I've ever watched in a row is five - but hey, I can quit any time I want.

A lot less fun than Clean House (but no less riveting) is Hoarders, the new series on A&E. The subjects of these mini-documentaries are seriously compulsive hoarders who are often close to being removed from their homes by Adult Protective Services. These are truly tragic cases. And the episodes don't end with glamorous makeovers or sometimes even an uncluttered house. A psychologist specializing in compulsive hoarding councils the families while a cleaning crew tries to clean up the mess. Family disfunction, anger and mental troubles are brought to the surface. At the same time, mold, insects and even lost dead pets are uncovered under mountains of clutter. The show devotes only two days to council and clean. Though continued counceling is provided after the crew leaves, we're left with little doubt that the situation won't return to its previous state.

There's no question that we find these shows entertaining. But are they exploitative? Probably. Is it really making a difference? I doubt it. But it's hard to deny that they at least temporarily help these people come to grips with the severity of their situations. And in sometimes, help them avoid being removed by Adult Protective Services. Whether that's really doing them a favor or not will remain to be seen.

So long as Niecy doesn't show up at my house and try to take away my TV, we'll be fine.